So I was going to eulogise (word to the motherfucking thesaurus, bitches) David Carradine when i first heard that he had died, I figured a few Youtube clips of classic Carradine work and a link to his IMDB would do for the man. Boy, was I wrong. Now it appears the guy died in the closet of his Bangkok hotel room, possibly while engaging in a little auto erotic asphyxiation (insert INXS/Michael Hutchence gag here). Now, I could be crass and make a bunch of "choking one off" style jokes, and there's a few in the reserve tank, so don't worry. If things get too serious, we can fall back on that classic vein of humour. But I want to hit on a different issue for a moment, as i'm sure the breakfast radio shows have me covered for crass humour. I want to point out how rad this death is. Not the death itself, that's a tragic loss of a fantastic character actor. But let's be real, Carradine was old, and there's a lot worse ways to go than in a Bangkok hotel, apparently involved in a sex act, at 72 years of age. For example, we may very soon be seeing this gravestone... Again, no disrespect to Swayze, but it's not the best capper to an awesome life. However, something like this...... Is quite fitting in a way. Carradine, we salute you.
The best of David Carradine (that I could find on Youtube)
I know, i've been slack and shit this week. My head is still recovering from last friday, and i've been rewatching The Wire. Guaranteed to keep you distracted. But I promise the long weekend will be filled with cheap goodness. In the meantime, here's the Reservoir Muppets to keep you entertained.
So a lot of people aren't really interested in special features, they're happy enough to watch the film and move on, which I can understand. When you read, few people even bother to read the authors bio, let alone do any independent research about the topic or whatever, so it's fair enough to just enjoy the film for what it is. But I love special features, in fact I feel ripped off a bit if there aren't any. In particular, I love Directors Commentaries. Very few people watch as many directors commentaries as I do. I watch Directors Commentaries more than I watch regular films, to me it's far more interesting, and sometimes better than the actual film. So here's my top directors commentaries. They're not in any particular order, they're just a few nice commentary tracks that jumped to mind. Some are informative, some are funny as hell, and some are both. But they're all worthwhile, so if you happen to own these bad boys then crack them out and give it a shot. I can say with almost certainty you'll enjoy most of them.
This is Spinal Tap This is probably my fave commentary amongst them all, 'cos it features David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean) Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest)and Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) riffing for an hour and a half, completely in character, and it's almost funnier than the film itself. Almost. Notable classic lines: Nigel: Do you still have that castle David? David: No, I eventually had to sell it. The buyer demolished it and used the stones for a roadway cul de sac. Derek: A roadway called De Sack? Classic.
Cannibal, the Musical I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone, it's OK, but there's much better fare from the boys behind South Park. But it's worth it if you're 15 years old or reeeaaallly drunk. Or baked. Obviously. However (again you need to be reeeeaaaaaaallly drunk. Or baked.) the DVD commentary actually improves this film, mainly because the participants are themselves, reeeeaaaalllly drunk. And probably baked. Funny stuff.
Spaced
Admittedly, you do need the 3 disc special edition to get these commentaries, but if you get a chance to watch Spaced with the commentary, go for the US commentaries. With mad guest spots like Quentin Tarantino, Kevin Smith and Patton Oswalt, they're well worth putting your ear to, because the only person who can outnerd Simon Pegg on film references is Quentin Tarantino, so you can almost hear the nerd bar being raised throughout the commentary. Plus, they're all pretty funny dudes.
Any Robert Rodriguez Film All of Rodriguez' films have ace commentaries, full of info about the filmaking process and the cast. I would highly recommend listening to the El Mariachi commentary, to learn how to make a film for under $10,000, or From Dusk till Dawn, which is Rodriguez and Tarantino together. Killer gear.
Ross Noble Ross Noble can talk for hours and hours about nothing. DVD commentaries were invented for people like him. If you ever get bored with the show, just listen to the commentaries for more non-sequiter crazyness. Just don't fall asleep with the commentary on, as you'll wake up to Ross ranting about angry badgers and automatic Hassidic Jews, and you won't know if you're still asleep or awake.
The Late Show I could watch the Late Show forever, but I love the commentary that comes with this bad boy as well. Clearly put together by Tony Martin (who has definately seen more Directors Commentaries than I have) this is 6 1/2 hours of the full cast reminiscing and talking shit about the horrible 90's fashion. Well worth it.
Jackass Any of the commentaries for the Jackass (or indeed, any of the the spin-offs Viva La Bam, Wildboyz etc.) movies and TV shows are worth a listen, but the cast commentary on the first movie is probably the best. Self deprecation all round, and every line from Preston Lacy is gold, pure gold. Notable funny lines: Bam: Damn dude, look how fucking fat Phil is. Preston: He's a medium build.
Well, there's my humble suggestions for the best DVD commentaries, so give them a shot. You just might learn something, but probably not. At least most of them are good for a laugh. Peace
I can't really do justice to the life of this man, so what i'm going to do is link to his own biography and his Wikipedia page, so y'all can read for yourself about this icon of Australian acting.
Among his massively varied career, Bud did everything from Shakespeare to Thunderbirds. His IMDB page lists 146 seperate television and film acting credits, as well as scores of production and writing credits. By comparison, Christopher Walken (who has acted in at least 3 films or TV shows per year for the last 35 years) only racks up just over 100 credits. He will be sorely missed. Much respect IMDB Wikipedia Official Website
This is a new section on The Trim, possibly a one off, as I doubt this type of awesome action will be happening very often. Sharkwatch involves rad moments with sharks, the most hard body fish in the ocean. And this week.... MAN WRESTLES 12FT SHARK FOR 2 HOURS TO SAVE MATE. No BS, this dude went toe to fin with a 12 foot tiger shark for 2 hours to save his buddy from an untimely death. You think you're hard? Craig Clasen is G'd up from the feet up. I can't do much better than select a few choice quotes from the article. "Down in my core I really felt the shark was there to feed. I didn't want it to come to that." "Once I shot it in the gills I felt a moral obligation to finish the job." "Tiger sharks have no problem eating whole sea turtles, 150lb tuna and even dolphins" And my personal favourite.... "I shot it six times in the head with a spear and I wasn't having much luck"
Before the animal rights activists jump onto this, it was completely a defensive kill, and I would never support someone going in on a shark for no reason. Except if a shark showed up at the movies. Then i'm fuckin' that shark up.
So last nights post got most of the frustration out of my system, it feels good to go in hard on an easy target like Vanilla Ice. To lighten the mood a little, and in celebration of my week of sobriety, I thought i'd post a video or two of some inappropriately high people. These come to us courtesy of my man B-Double (Pushing buttons like Shadow in the 90's). First up, the stoned firefighter.
Following that, the stoned reporter (Soldiers as big as Wales.....)
Next up, the cop who stole weed, then called 911 when he chucked a Whitey with his wife.
And finally, the man responsible for transporting more weed than anyone else (When he was finally caught, it was for attempting to bring in 2 Tonnes of weed to Britain) Howard Marks, A.K.A. Mr. Nice
I'm a little messed up on cold and flu medication at the moment, detoxing from weed and drink has played merry hell with my...... immune system was what I wanted to write here, took me 5 minutes to think of the word.
Yeah, I really can't think straight. I need to go to bed.
OK, let me say first off, if Vanilla Ice was legitimately apologising for destroying white people's credibility in Hip Hop (until Em came through and made everyone forget about all that shit), I would salute the guy. Really, I would. I would stand and salute the man if he was really admitting that his music is/was trash, and that he was just in it for a pay check, and that his ghost still haunts white boy rappers to this day, and also that he got hung over a balcony by Suge Knight over "contract issues" (If you haven't heard this story, peep hiphop.sh for the full breakdown. This is the only decent thing Suge has ever done, by the way). If he was really copping to all that, and genuinely sorry for his corporate whore-dom over the past 20 years, and was trying to gain some credibility back for himself, then i'd finally have some respect for the dude. Some respect. But if one heads to rightmusicwrongs.com, the first thing you're hit with is a Virgin Mobile advert. Continue a little further, and it takes only a few quick glances at the opening page to realise that THIS WHOLE THING IS JUST ANOTHER MONEY SPINNER. The Ice Baby isn't sorry for a god-damn thing. In fact, i'll guarantee he's happy as a pig in shit that people still care enough about him to bother getting him to apologise for anything. This whiny prick will literally do anything to grab the limelight for another few minutes. Literally anything. Let's consider this for a minute. Vanilla Ice is willing to apologise for his whole career, to a public that doesn't really care any more, just to get a cheque. He literally admits that his whole career is shitful, just to score more money. If he really believed that the world would be better off if he wasn't making music and hogging the limelight, HE'D DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND HAVE A BUCKSHOT SANDWICH RIGHT THIS SECOND. That's right, I said it. Eat a fucking shotgun you industry prick, i'm tired of these 80's has-beens making a "Comeback", playing on people's love of Kitsch-ness (That's the perfect phrase for this instance, since Kitsch has a dictionary definition of "art that is considered an inferior, tasteless copy of an extant style of art") and thinking that they are in any way still relevant or important. That's enough for now, i've been detoxing for the past 5 days so i'm a little on edge, but you get my point. Fuck this punk and anyone who feels that his music was anything other than filler for the radio. BTW, my favourite part of this whole thing is that he apologises for "the scandals and the gangs". Dude, get it through your head, noone thinks you're hard, you can tote a pump-action in front of a drop top caddy all you like, YOU'RE NOT A GANGSTER. Noone even classifies "Ice Ice Baby" as a rap song. It's pop, through and through. Peace party people, sorry for the vitreole, but I needed to vent. Here's some real Hip Hop to get the bad taste out of your mouth.
Man, my bad people. It's been a while since my last post, been trying to detox and sort out a bunch of shit in my life, so blogging has been a secondary concern for the last little while. Anyways, here's the catch-up.
This week on The Empire we'll be rocking out with the worlds best lyricists. There's no way we can hit upon every great lyricist in the measy hour we have, but we'll try to cover most genres, and we'll at leat hit the main contenders for greatness. Speaking of our sweet radio gig, here's part III of the minimix's. This bad boy's pretty rough, as I had major technical issues and had to re-record this about an hour before going to air, but it's still listenable. Grab that mofo right HERE.
In case you're not as huge a fan of The Daily Show as I am, you probably missed Jon Stewart's epic rant against Rick Santelli and CNBC, so here it is. Gawker also posted this a few days ago, but it's well worth re-posting.
Thirdly, it seems the rest of the world is catching up with myself and BigDubbs (northoftheriver.wordpress.com) and proclaiming The Wire as the greatest thing on television since Wildboyz. OK, most wouldn't compare the two, but I will, 'cos that's how I roll. So if you're not up on it yet, crawl out from under your rock and get busy downloading or buying or whatever, just watch it. I'm sick of explaining the brilliance of this show to slack jawed idiots who can't understand how TV can be revolutionary.
Fourthly, my brother in arms PMM is a busy man, being that he actually studies and has a job and all that, so i'm pretty much holding the fort by myself (damn, two military analogies in one sentence, gotta expand my vocabulary). The point being, if anyone cares to join me here in cyberspace and feels that they could bring something to The Trim, then get at me and i'll add you to the Admin. No need to be exceptionally verbose, judging by the majority of my posts as long as you're semi-literate you'll fit right in.
Fifthly (OK, i'm gonna stop that now, they don't really work after thirdly) I love a good birdman rally. Nothing better than idiots hurling themselves off a pier with a pair of cardboard wings attached. And the shonkier the costume, the better. If it's too well constructed, then the fun is taken out of it. Noone watches a Daytona 500 to see cars driving really fast in a circle, they want to see massive stacks. And the same goes for a Birdman Rally, more failure, more enjoyment. Here's some highlights, courtesy of The Age website. Birdman Rally Photo Gallery
And finally, I should weigh in on the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle. I should, but I can't really do better than the homeboy here.
So today is the anniversary of the death of Bill Hicks. It's been 15 years since the great man died, and I thought i'd spend a little time expounding on the reasons he is important, and why the world would be a better place if more people thought like Bill.
I got into Bill Hicks the same way most 15 year olds do, having a mate lend me a CD and being told that "this guys swears a whole lot, and talks about fucking". And for the first little while, that's all I really knew about him. I knew he was funny, but it was more of a knee-jerk reaction to the crudity of the pieces and the incessant swearing than an appreciation of the ironies and satirical nature of Bill's comedy. And let's be honest, Bill was the king of crude humour.
Having sid that, the "crude humour" tag follows Bill incessently, but if one really breaks down his act there isn't that much crudity in it. A lot of swearing, yes, definitely a LOT of swearing, but the base, graphic "Dick Jokes" are kept to his famous Goat Boy routine, and of course, graphically descriptive discussions of pornography. Apart from that, his act was much more about using shocking images to create a scene, or as a juxtaposistion within the joke.
Once I had grown up a little, and had started to hear Hicks' routines for what they were, I noticed how much you heard Bill's words and thoughts echoed in everyday life, even years after his death. Most political stand up loses its punch as the politicians change and retire, but Bills work stands strong, because it isn't about particular politicans, it's about the concepts of freedom and democracy. 15 years ago Bill denounced George Bush (the first) for "selling unstable nations weaponry, and then running on a platform of "The world is still a very dangerous place". These very sentiments were echoed in countless protests against the Iraq war early in the new millenium. In fact, pretty much all of Bills pieces on the Gulf war can be updated for our times, by replacing "Gulf War" with "Operation: Iraqi Freedom".
His discussions of JFK, and how the wool has been pulled over our collective eyes is not so much about JFK, or even the events surrounding his death, it is about how people seem happy to accept the simple answer, no matter how ridiculous and impossible it is, rather than the more uncomfortable truth about life. JFK and his unfortunate death is simply the most memorable and poignant example of what Bill saw as an endemic problem with the American people. They didn't want the truth, they wanted a simple lie, and more Gladiators on TV. And that idea really lies at the core of Bills political work. Bill saw that the problem with America was not the corrupt politicans, it was the citizens who let corruption run rampant without a word. It was every person who closed their eyes, rather than ask questions. Bill wanted to slap everyone on earth in the face with a massive dose of reality, and scream "Remember this!? Remember reality?!? This is what's important! Not taxes and schools, not gays in the military, but the fact that we now fear the people we chose to lead us!!" He didn't have an issue with politics, or democracy, or even with any particular politician. When he said that he believed that "GW Bush is the son of Satan", what he meant was.... well, no actually, Bill did really believe Bush was evil. Turns out he was right on that one.
But political satire was only part of Bills genius. His thoughts and observations on drugs and their role in our evolution and society are incredibly acute. I can't sum up Bills thoughts any better than he can, so I will merely quote: “They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.”
“Today a young man on acid realised that all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather”
"Three weeks ago two of my friends and I went to a ranch in Fredericksburg, Texas, and took what Terence McKenna calls a "heroic dose" of Magic Mushrooms. Five dried grams. Let me tell you, our third eye was squeegeed quite cleanly. Wow! And I'm glad they're against the law, 'cause you know what happened when I took 'em? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours, going "My God, I love everything." The heavens parted, God looked down and rained gifts of forgiveness onto my being, healing me on every level, psychically, physically, emotionally. And I realized our true nature is spirit, not body, that we are eternal beings, and God's love is unconditional 'n' there's nothing we can ever do to change that. It is only our illusion that we are separate from God, or that we are alone. In fact the reality is we are one with God and He loves us. Now, if that isn't a hazard to this country... Do you see my point? How are we gonna keep building nuclear weapons, you know what I mean? What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all one. It's gonna fuck up the economy! The economy that's fake anyway! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government's cracking down."
These quotes alone, which are only a handful from hours of material, show a man who was not out to get fucked up, but to really experience life on all levels, and hopefully discover profound truths about himself and the world in the process. Yes, for many years Bill was an alcoholic and a coke addict, but those negatives fed off each other, and eventually, "I woke up one day and thought, I can keep paying people for things that will slowly kill me, or I can laugh my ass off with my friends by ingesting a natuarally occuring substance". And with that, he walked away from 15 years of alcoholism and drug abuse, and never touched another hard drug or drop of alcohol again. "Don't take drugs, but I have no problem with them. I think it's a personal choice". Many would do well to heed this advice.
Material like this (obviously) did not work well for television, and Bills last recorded piece for The Late Show was pulled due to censorship issues, and has only this year been resurrected and aired. To go into the whole story here would be too long, suffice it to say Dave pulled Hicks' stand up minutes before it was to air, with many speculating it was due to Hicks' pro-life material upsetting advertisers. I highly recommend taking the time to watch the full interview with Bills mother, as it serves well to contextualise the type of man Bill was, and how important his artistic integrity was to him.
Part I http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUbB_D-dYp8
Part II http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yTVDoSRKq0
Part III http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBC1dKGO2_A
There was an anger inside Bill as well. He could turn in a moment from a man pleading for unity and oneness amongst the human race to a raging demon of hatred. A massive, whirling hurricane of obscenity and vitreolic anger. There is nothing like seeing Bill go head to head with a drunk crowd member, as evidenced in Bill vs. Female Heckler.
His anger was truly righteous (adjective: arising from an outraged sense of justice or morality), in every sense of the word. He was furious that people would have the gall to interrupt an artist at work. He was furious that morons walked the earth, never having to answer for their actions. But most of all, he was furious that people didn't get the message. And at the end of the day, that was it. He really wanted people to hear what he was saying. Not in a self-satisfied, moralistic way, but in a truly humanistic way. Bill didn't want people to listen to stroke his ego, he wanted them to listen because he was trying to help. Just like Jesus, and Gandhi, and Mother Theresa, and every other great person to walk the earth for too few years, Bill was trying to help. He was trying to get people free, to get them out from under, no matter how uncomfortable the trip might be. Bill, in his own strange way, was trying to free us from the Matrix of our own lives, and make us see the real world. "The Message" was his red pill. And even now, 15 years later, the message is right on point.
Rest in peace, a great man who is still sorely missed.
Well well well, once again a city council oversteps the line and gets pulled back from the brink of actually doing something somebody cares about. In case you missed the scoop, the City of Port Phillip were going to run some ads on TV about draining the lizard or revisiting lunch on the sidewalk. Now, this may sound pretty innocuous, and it is. Really. I mean, if you watch the ad, you can kind of see how someone may feel a little voyeouristic watching a girl drop strides in the middle of a party...
My favourite bit is when someone hands her a drink from off camera. It's such a casual gesture. Presonally, I don't have a problem with this piece of advertising, I actually find it quite effective, if not arousing in a weird way. But my real beef is with the following companion piece....
And my issue is this. A chunder is (90% of the time) unintentional. It's an involuntary discharge of the stomach's contents through the mouth. And sometimes the nose. I can understand telling people to wait until they get home or at least into their front garden to take a quick slash, but if I need to puke I can't really put that on hold for 15 minutes while I grab a cab back to my place. And noone is letting me into a bar with the line "i'm just dashing in for a quick vomit, then i'll be right out again". The gutter is usually my only choice, and I should be applauded for choosing the gutter (or a handy garbage bin) as my receptacle of choice. I could just as easily have puked on the bottom of the escalators at Parliament station, so it got spread all the way up to the top, and stunk up the place all day. I'll bet then the gutter doesn't look so bad. Peace.
Yes indeed, the celebs have been going wild this week, so I thought i'd give y'all a quick update on the happenings, so if you run into some airhead who actually cares about the comings and goings of vapid, self-serving, inarticulate wankers, you'll have something to talk about.
So, firstly.... the MJ auction. A wild bunch of crazy shit from Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is up for sale come April this year. More than 2,000 items are going on sale, let's take a look at some of the wilder stuff. How about a golf cart, complete with airbrushed picture of Jacko as Pater Pan on the hood... Ballin'.
A sweet royal protrait of the King, i'd like to get a portrait like this of myself done.
For some reason, MJ had a pair of the prop hands Johnny Depp wore in Edward Scissorhands. Sweet gift for a gothic friends birthday.
Secondly, Travis the TV Chimpanzee attacks owner This article is loaded with gold, just jam packed full of crunchy nuggets of comedy. Example: "He could eat at the table, drink wine from a stemmed glass, use the toilet, and dress and bathe himself." Good start.... "Herold, whose daughter died several years ago in a car accident, fed the chimp steak, lobster, ice cream and Italian food." Getting there..... "Police said that Travis was agitated earlier Monday and that Herold had given him the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in some tea." There is it. And finally, Steven Seagal to star in reality cop show You couldn't make this stuff up. I can't wait for this one, if only to see Seagal's receedinhg hairline. It'll be pure gold!
And to close it out... the new Simpsons HD intro. For those that missed it, the Simpsons updated their intro for HD TV... oinly a few minor changes, but it definately reflects the changes in the show over the past 20 years.
OK, so the backstory is this... Jordan Towers decides to hold a rap smoke-a-thon www.smokeathon.com, and all the weed heads come out of the woodwork to stake their claim.
Of course B-Real steps up hard, and issues the challenge.
Shifta checks in from Jamaica, and reps for the real heads.
And then Mistah F.A.B steps in for the West, smoking mad weed and calling his boys at the grow house. Now, this was posted in the afternoon of February 6th, note Mistah F.A.B smoking up hard, as well as his crew getting super blazed.
Cut to 12 hours later, and Mistah F.A.B has clearly smoked up for a few more hours with the crew, probably sipped a little liquor too, and has subsequently been in a car accident. And WSHH is straight back on the scene, with the first video.
So, we have WSHH essentially helping to cause a car accident, and then they're back into it with the survival video.
If y'all don't know Cory Gunz, then lift your game, fix your face, and prepare for the future. Sure, you can say there are more articulate rappers out there, yes there are more intelligent rappers out there, yes there are more political rappers out there..... BUT NOONE HAS FLOW LIKE CORY. NOONE. NO. ONE. Not even Weezy. And to prove it, here's 3 videos.
A Milli Re-Versed
Invasion Radio
Heartless Re-Versed
If you don't believe Cory is the future after this, I don't really care, because when the rest of the world is catching up to me i'll be light years ahead, probably listening to some Czechoslovakian vintage funk. Or i'll just have this on loop.
So yeah, I promise i'll be back in the next few days to boost my posts, it's been a long few days, but i'll be back with a vengeance like Rambo, First Blood part II. But here's some gold to tide y'all over.
